An Unpleasant Situation

This past weekend I found myself dealing with a situation that threw me for a bit of a loop.  I'm going to give the most vague description that I can of what went on, because this isn't meant to be a character assassination of any particular people, but merely an observation of what has become normal in the world today.

  I work in a busy stable where I teach a lot of lessons.  The weekends tend to be particularly busy in the mornings so I feel very lucky that we have a few people, young and old who help get the horses/ponies tacked up and ready so I can concentrate on giving my students a quality, timely riding lesson with no outside distractions.  I was passing through the barn aisle on Saturday morning when I noticed someone was intently spraying a specific hair care product way too close to a horse's face/eye region. In fact the mist of the product was upsetting the animal to the point where it was backing up on the cross ties to get away.  As I walked through I asked the person not to spray the product so close to the animal's face/eyes and also,not to get it into the mane (a pet peeve of mine).  I gave a reason as to why we don't want the mane to ever be slippery, BUT I said it in a way that made the person feel like I was personally making her feel inferior for not knowing this tidbit of information since it's not in the forefront of what she concentrates on as a rider.  I swear on the Bible that I never meant to hurt this person's feelings, or make her feel like I was better, or any of the negative, hurtful feelings it caused her.  It was an offhanded comment that I made passing through on my way out to the ring.  It wasn't premeditated, it wasn't meant to come out harshly, and I will own that it could be construed as a poor choice of wording on my part. I really, really didn't mean it to be a judgmental, or negative comment toward this person.  Anyone who knows me well, knows that I have a sharp sense of humor, but in no way am I ever setting out to be mean spirited, or unkind.  I'm so far from perfect, but one thing I'm not ever is mean, or nasty, especially to young people who are devoted to horses and the sport I so adore, which includes all of the various disciplines. We have a wonderful group of people in our barn, of all ages.

   Later that day, a parent of the person that I made the comment to asked to speak with me and my boss.  We were met with a very angry person who informed me that I had told the person in no uncertain terms that my comment meant that they were never going to understand the horse industry.  I was blown away. Of course, I defended myself and explained exactly what I had said, with inflection and context included.  The anger continued.  I was told that I didn't know how to talk to teenagers, that they are very sensitive and take offense very easily so I needed to really think before I spoke.  I was told that I wasn't following the example of what my particular barn's motto is and that we'd all better watch what we say from now, because this parent will be keeping a close eye on things.  My boss and I sat there and took all of this verbal diarrhea.  I clenched my jaw to keep from standing up and jumping down this person's throat, because I realized with all of the anger it wouldn't do any good for any of us.  Instead, my boss quietly defended me and I said that I was sorry.  I wanted to throw up afterwards.  I wanted to throw things.  I was incensed that I was rendered helpless, even though I knew in my heart what I'd said really wasn't anything terrible, or personally damaging, but it busted into a young person's ego who decided to blow it out of proportion and tattle on me to get me in trouble.  It's a funky time in this world.  Not that this sort of thing hasn't gone on since the beginning of time, but the stakes have become higher for repercussions. If I'd been reported for bullying to a higher organization (a too commonly used term in this day and age) I could be suspended from my job, or worse.  What if this person whom I "offended" decided to go one step further and say I'd touched her inappropriately as I'd walked by. What then? I witnessed something ugly this weekend.  It's a far cry from the learning atmosphere of the stables that I grew up riding and working in.  We took criticism and we learned from it.  If our feelings got hurt, we had a little cry then we toughened up and figured out what we were doing wrong.  We got yelled at and told what to do and we did it.  It wasn't all coddling and a you can never do anything wrong type of atmosphere.  I'm not saying that is a perfect situation either, but it's a helluva lot more healthy than what I'm seeing now.  Any time I've ever given strongly worded advice, or raised my voice it's because the situation I'm seeing could escalate to an injury of either the horse, or the person. Otherwise, I try to be light and informative, without sounding like a bossy bitch.  Maybe next time I see something I don't agree with I'll just shut up and allow it to happen, lest I offend a burgeoning horseman's fragile spirit.  Riding and working with horses at a certain level isn't for the weak minded. Trust me, I didn't learn to have the grit and conviction to succeed in this business by complaining every time someone hurt my feelings.  That's not real life in any business.

  At the bottom of my heart, I genuinely was sad and depressed that my eleven word sentence caused a person to feel badly, or angry enough to make such a massive deal out of it.  I never want to be directly responsible for doing that to another person. Ever.  I would've thought that the person knew me well enough to know that I wasn't being a jerk, it was just the way it came out.  Sadly, that wasn't the case.