Friday, January 25, 2013

Breaking Point

  " I have to confess that I'm getting cranky, Cold Snap. The first day and half that you were here was like a challenge, or endurance test, like Surviver.  I was all, YES and fist pumping every ten minutes, like I was stoked to see you. I'm not going to lie to you though. After you've been here for an entire week, I really think you're rude. I'll go so far as to call you an A-hole. That's right, I said it! You my friend, are a total A-hole! And your little buddy, Single Digit? He's a F'ing liar. He was only supposed to be here at night and that sneaky little shit has been lounging around until noon this past week. I keep checking to see if he's gone, but Noooooo, he's still here just lurking around like some kind of creep. WTF? And what's up with his smirk? I'd like to slap it right off his face! I haven't gotten any work done this week, because  I can't be outside for more than five minutes at a time, or that dickhead Frostbite shows up and gets all up in my grill."

"Okay, so maybe I have been drinking, and I'm being a little harsh, but the jig is up, Cold Snap. I want you to pack up your shit, gather up your idiot group of friends and shove off back to the f'ing arctic circle, or Greenland, or wherever else you freaks hang out all year. Five days is ENOUGH of you."

"Hey, truth hurts sometimes, C.S. I don't think I'm being insensitive to your needs! What about MY needs, huh?  I'm going broke buying vodka, eating like a hog, and I've lost my sense of humor! I already told you that having you around for a couple of days is fine, but you're pushing it, pal. I seriously can't take much more of you. If I had to live where you are year round, I'd be a full on, raging, foaming at the mouth alcoholic. I'm this close to the edge, C.S.! This close!!!"

"C'mon, know I don't hate you! Well, alright I do hate you a little, but I can let that hate go if you would just take off! You made your point here! The ground is frozen as hard as a rock, the driveway has been a skating rink for days, taking a deep breath is akin to swallowing a thousand tiny pieces of glass into your lungs, my business has ground to a halt, what more do you want?"

"That's it. I have nothing else to give. I'm done. It's you, or me C.S. Too bad if you don't like ultimatums, because I'm done. I'm going to mix up a little morning cocktail and when I'm finished with it I expect you and your friends to be packed and ready to go. I want my life back and in order for that to happen, you must go. And tell that liar Single Digit if he smirks at me one more time, I'm not responsible for my actions. I will cut him."

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